Spoken by a true leader, Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
As a business owner, a digital marketing pro, and well, a human, I constantly deal with the issue of comparison in today’s world. Digital communication tools and social media make it easier than ever to show off to the world how great you are. However, when you are in that world constantly, it can be difficult not to get sucked into the comparison trap because you see what others are doing and achieving. It can be difficult to remember that life is not about ME.
Here’s a little bit about me… My business is centered around content: friends’ content, clients’ content, my own content, businesses’ content, influencers’ content, and a ton of content that I could care less about, but see constantly. You see, I’m a social media manager with affinities to blogging, design, and helping people shine online. (And, apparently rhyming too.) A typical day involves me posting social media posts to my clients’ profiles on Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. I’m also researching and writing blogs for said clients and then broadcasting that created content out online too. That typical day also includes me posting to my personal Facebook and Instagram profiles targeted to person tidbits from my life. Then, I’ll switch over and post to my company profiles and interact with other colleagues’ content on those profiles too. I average approximately 1600 custom created posts (on a low end) in a year.
I’m getting a little long-winded here, but the point is that I come across articles and content constantly. This also means that I spend a lot of time following others on social media, seeing what they post, liking their pictures, sharing their articles, retweeting, and commenting on others. Me and my social media buddies, often joke that we are professional stalkers, because some days it feels like we’re just out scoping what’s going on in the digital world.
Here’s the thing: when you are out scoping what others are doing on social media so that you can stay relevant for your industry and your clients, you can easily fall into the trap of comparing yourself to someone else. You see, there will always be someone who has more Twitter followers than you. There will always be someone else who has a fancier looking website than you. Someone out there is doing more webinars than you are, and the list can go on and on.
While my example is from someone in the world of digital marketing and social media, I KNOW that it is common for those who use social media recreationally to fall into the same trap. Even before social media became such an influential force, tv and other advertising was enough to trap us. As I’ve watched, observed, and analyzed our culture I’ve seen a few habits we now have:
FOMO –
Ten years ago this acronym did not exist, or at least it wasn’t identified as a real thing. The “fear of missing out” is now a real thing that most experience from time to time. Our culture now has this fear that we are missing out on something important if we aren’t constantly on our smart phone checking the latest tweet or instagram post. Ask yourself this honest question: When was the last time I was more than 10 ft from my smart phone? Sometimes we need to “miss out” on what’s going on in the digital world, and go experience the real world.
Inadequacies –
Thank you, social media, for letting me know about all of the amazing things that everyone else is doing on a Friday night while I’m at home heating up leftovers and watching Friends for the 1000th time. When life is just plain normal, we can feel like our life is not enough. Social media isn’t helping us any because we always post the best side of ourselves up there. Then, our friends have this skewed perspective that our lives are perfect and full of adventure every single day. I know that’s not true, but when the constant barrage of posts tell me that everyone else is doing something amazing with their life, and I’m just sitting home eating leftovers, it can be hard to believe that fact.
It’s All Good-
Life is not always good. I know that for a fact. While I’m not a proponent of complaining on social media, I also know that sometimes a little raw emotion about tough stuff is just what our world needs. We’ve got enough fluff and enough people saying that life is always good. We need people sharing about things that matter. We need to know we’re not alone.
Hubris –
As a business owner, and one that is in the business of marketing, I know that we all walk a fine line of wanting to share and publicize, but not shove our advertising down someone’s throat. The business culture in the United States also tells us constantly that we must inflate “me” in order to get ahead in today’s business world. Pride is an easy thing to fall into in the world of marketing, and social media is the main showcase for a person’s accomplishments. When you realize that, you can look past it a little and know that that person is really just a mere human, just like you.
I know this string of thoughts sounds like I’m hating on social media, but the truth is that it has brought me closer to long-distance friends from childhood, college, and our crazy string of moves in our adult life. Social media has helped me share hurts and needs, and share with others in their “real stuff” shared. Social media has helped me ‘see’ my friends’ worlds even if we are miles away. It has helped me plan birthday parties and baby showers and remember important dates. I’ve learned a ton from finding articles and seeing what others are sharing. When it all comes down to it, I really do enjoy social media a ton and my livelihood succeeds because of it.
The problem starts when you let your identity get wrapped up in what social media is telling you. And, well, it’s only telling you part of the story. You may not see the depression or anxiety hiding behind someone’s eyes. You may not see the struggles and pain hiding behind someone’s smiling selfie. You may not know the tone and inflection behind someone’s words. And, social media won’t ever tell you the words and feelings unspoken – posts that never were published, written down, or ever uttered. Social media is just a piece of our culture today, and we shouldn’t put it on a high pedestal.
On a personal level, I know that my identity is found as a child of God. I’m not defined by my job, or my family, or my Instagram followers. Gosh that’s hard sometimes to believe! I guess I can only be thankful for moments of clarity where God reminds me that social media is not enough. When I get back to thinking about what matters most to me, I can use social media for what it is good for, and then let it go.
Here are some mentalities and habits I try to follow:
- Realize The World Is Telling Lies Constantly. Our world will tell you that you have to keep up with every new tweet, and every trending hashtag, and ever friends’ update. You don’t have to keep up. You can step away.
- Go Outside. You heard me…go outside. Be intentional about finding a hobby that requires you getting some vitamin D and not using your phone.
- Enjoy the moment. Instead of posting about your life constantly, why don’t you soak in the moment!
- Real-Time Is Not Always Best. Take a few pics of that recital, and then just sit and listen to the rest instead of recording it and posting it right then and there. You can post pictures/updates after the fact and still share the same thoughts.
- Stop Eating With Your Cell Phone. If you’re at dinner with someone, or grabbing coffee, or watching a game together and messing around on your phone to post an update or text, you’re being just plain rude.
- Remember your accomplishments. When you start playing the comparison game again, just sit and take stock of how far you’ve come. Yes, others may be sharing amazing tales on social media, but you have amazing stuff too.
- Promote Authenticity. When someone else shares something real and authentic, endorse that.
- Share Authenticity. You have a story and a purpose in life, and you can share that on social media, just as you share that in your speech, written words, and actions in your life
- Realize Everyone Is Mere Mortal. Friends, Bloggers, Influencers, Icons and Celebrities may look really impressive on social media, but just remember: they are skin and bones just like you. Yes, they may have done different things than you have to get where they are, but that doesn’t make them any better or worse than you are.
- Have Integrity In What You Do. When you know who you are, and what you stand for, you can provide quality, authentic work to the world. You can market yourself without selling yourself. You can invite others in – into your business, into your life, and into your values.
I don’t have this down to perfection, and I know it will always be a struggle to have a right balance in this world. As I continue on in this world of social media and blogging and content marketing, I’m realizing there is a huge struggle going on every day, every minute, and in every tweet. Comparison has always been a struggle in our society, but never more than it is today when we have our entire social circle’s accomplishments and joys staring us in the face on social media. May we be promoters of change and of authenticity, and of joy. Don’t let comparison steal your joy today.
-valerie